i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
