Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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