And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
