I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize