he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
