party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm really busy with my period
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