We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
