Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
