at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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