Just fell off a train. Bad.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just google imaged poop.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
