I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
