I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
