I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize