Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize