I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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