It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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