whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize