today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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