i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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