My first STD was from a foam party
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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