What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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