if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
