I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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