just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize