he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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