I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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