fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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