We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
