One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize