just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
