she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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