Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
