Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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