so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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