I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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