During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
