It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
