i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
