So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
