im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
