Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
