My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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