do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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