Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
