you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
