Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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