hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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