We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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