He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
