remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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