I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
