I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
