I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
