Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
