I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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