haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
