I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
