Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize