Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
