He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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