it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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