My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
