He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize