So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
