So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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