My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
